I SEE DEAD PEOPLE


.....and you're one of them.

This is a questionnaire for dead people. Please answer yes or no, dead person.

Do you often feel that you are sleepwalking and less than half alive--suffering from a bad case of amnesia that nobody takes the trouble to diagnose or to give you the least bit of credit for?

Do you WANT to be taken out of yourself? Do you WANT a wild ride? How about a leap of faith? Or... would you prefer a clean start? If you anwered "yes or no" to any of the above questions, please answer yes or no to the following:

Yes or no--do you recall being kidnapped from your home planet--after being brutally defeated in an unthinkably horrible war that happened 70 trillion years ago, yet you've never recovered from the effects of it? Once a demigod, you soon found yourself being stuffed at gunpoint into a frail human body that you were told is YOU! and you MUST take care of the short-lived, ever-demanding thing because if you don't, you're dead FOREVER--and on top of that, a loving God will send you straight to HELL.

Do you know (or suspect) that you're an immortal being who was kidnapped from home and loved ones and all you held dear, then dragged to a prison planet called Earth where you are forced to endure life after life after life after life afterlife afterlifeafterlifeafterlife forced to smile and "be nice" for "the good of the people" while being tortured, screamed at, preached at, sold absurd pieces of expensive junk and then bored shitless, recruited, forced to agree with the opinions of others no matter how insanely irresponsible; forced to fight ridiculous wars (always with a wonderful, heroic, people-oriented excuse) to make others rich (and then build expensive monuments to those wars with YOUR money)--forced to be "educated" over and over ad nauseum until you've forgotten everything you ever knew , every goal you ever had, every family you were once a member of (um, feeling just a little bit sick? Well who wouldn't feel sick, dammit? It's simply amazing you're still as good and pure and decent and smart and patient and tolerant as you are, isn't it? Why if I were in your place I'd probably be machine-gunning crowds of people all over the place--just to even the score a teeny weeny little bit, for pity sake!)

But to be honest...you really can't remember much of anything. What were you wearing on this day, one year ago? You don't know? But...how could that be?! Even though it's been scientifically proven that you've recorded every single thing that ever happened to you for EONS (literally quadrillions of years) and are a master magician with a billion tricks, talents and skills that you "Just don't happen to remember right now (sob)"--

Told to "Be yourself" and then forced to be the meek consumer that governments and advertisers want you to be--ain't easy. So...

Please answer this one, relatively long question with a yes or a no. Yes or no? Are you listening to me? HUH? Wake up--what's wrong with you? You wanna be hit upside the head again a couple of times? Is that what you want? You want a little violence so we can then all go around saying how NICE we are? HUH? How about it? Do you recognize human history when it is stated in bold, unvarnished terms or do you want it sweetly sugar coated as usual-- whaddaya say? Speak up! Just answer the question and stop dragging your stupid, leaden, half-dead feet. I haven't got all day and my time is valuable so speak up, you miserable, off-planet scum--come on! Hurry up, answer the question and be quick about it OR ELSE. Yes? Or no?

Yes________ or, No__________

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Novels:

I, Vampire
Read Chapter 1
Reviews on Amazon.com

Passing for Human
Read Chapter 1
Malzberg Review of Passing for Human


Columns:

An Orientation
Censorship in Our Time?
Anthrax
I See Dead People
The Elements of Disaster
Dog Park Incident
Florence of Arabia
Hannibal
PEOPLE SHOULD NOT SAY "YIPPEE"
The Silence of the Hacks
A Nutshell in India
Seatbelts
Sleep Tight, Ya Morons!
Spin Control
When This War is Over
Iraqi Children






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